Blue-collar or white-collar? She had no preference as long as he was legit. Local 0r long-distance? In this age of cell phone plans, distance didn’t matter. Suburban, urban or ‘hood? Urban was definitely her preference (but she had to admit that ‘hood brother from back in the day was kinda sexy - couldn’t take him around her co-workers, though!). Hip-Hop, R&B, or Gospel? She REALLY wasn’t a Hip-Hop fan, but would be willing to make allowances for the right man. Car or bus? Car, of course - and it had better be his own! Single or married? Single, please. Kids of his own? She didn’t really care, as long as she didn’t have to change their diapers.
Her only hard & fast rule was this: you gotta be AT LEAST this tall (reaching up about seven & 1/2 inches above her head to approx. 6 ft.) to ride THIS ride!
One day ,while browsing the magazines at a local Borders Books and Music, our Intelligent(!) Black Woman saw T.I.’s picture on the cover of VIBE magazine. “Hmmm, that’s a cute, yella boy - I wonder who he is?”, she thought to herself as she sat down at a table to “read the article”. No, seriously - she really just wanted to read the article.
In the first paragaph, the interviewer stated said she expected to meet a man with a huge Napoleon complex - that was our Intelligent(!) Woman’s first indication this man may not ‘measure up’ in the height department. He says he’s 5′9″ - she seriously doubts it. “But he’s so cute”, she thought, “I MUST read on”. And she did. She even snuck in a few peeks at the photos, albeit reluctantly. “Interesting story”, our woman thought. “I must research this man, this ‘King of the South’. I must know more”! And research she did. But she didn’t bother to listen to any of his music, though - she wasn’t a Hip-Hop fan.
Now, our Intelligent(!) Black Woman was an avid reader. I mean, she read EVERYTHING! Books, newspapers, newletters,websites, blogs, handbills, parking tickets, license plates - you name it, she’d read it. So, on a cool, October day she found herself reading the news online on her lunch break, and came across a disturbing story. It seems that little cutie from the cover of VIBE was arrested during an ATF sting - who knew convicted felons weren’t allowed to purchase, or own handguns? She didn’t. Shoot, she didn’t even think she knew any felons. But she still liked this one. If it was possible, his arrest may have made him even more attractive to her!
“This requires even more research”, she told herself. So she Googled him, and found the link to his homepage. Imagine her surprise when “Big Things Poppin’ ” started BLASTING from her laptop. “I hope it’s a clean version”, she thought, looking around sheepishly at her co-workers. “You know how rude and nasty those rappers can be”. She just KNEW her co-workers were all calling her boss on their cell phones. But she put on her headphones, and listened anyway. She was surprised to discover she actually liked it.
She did have questions when she was done, though. For instance - why was he talking about being “up in Benihana’s…slangin’ in them chairs”? What the hell was a ‘trap’? Again - she Googled. Then shook her head. And liked him even more. “Still something sexy about these little roughnecks”.
As our woman read about his lawyers’ quest to get him of jail, she was even tempted to call the judge and offer the use of her home in Detroit for his house arrest. “I can keep him out of trouble, I know I can”. Then she thought about it, and figured the dope boys across the street probably had more guns then the ones the ATF found in the raid on T.I.’s home in Atlanta! “This might not be a good environment for him, after all”, she decided, and so our Intelligent(!) Black Woman sighed, shook her head, and went back to work.
If you’re wondering what became of our Intelligent(!) Black Woman, I’m happy to inform you that she didn’t get fired. She thinks her co-workers were probably amused by the loud, ‘ghetto’ music spewing from her laptop speakers (and they probably weren’t even surprised). And even though she never got over him, she has grown. She likes some rap music now, downloads tracks from the hip-hop websites, and when she’s in the gym, she even glances appreciatively at the little lean, muscular guys that can barely reach the chin-up bar.
Nowadays, if you mention T.I. to our Intelligent(!) Black Woman, she won’t tell you this story. She has only thing to say - “He could STILL get it”!
